Soul Repair

Answered some questions from the book "Soul Repair" by VanVonderen, Ryan & Ryan.
Wanted to keep them around so I could reflect on them later.

Q. How would you describe healthy spirituality? 
A. Healthy spirituality...Total dependence on God. Tapping into Him for everything I need. Him reworking my life. Changing my attitudes toward people and situations. Constant communication with Him about my weaknesses. An awareness of where my struggles lie with an even bigger awareness of HIs power to overcome them. Listening to His voice to speak truth into my heart instead of allowing all the voices around me to determine my beliefs. Seeing people for their value instead of for their annoyances and minor "flaws". We are all created in His image. Maybe this is becoming a list of ways I already see how my lack of a Spiritual life is affecting my everyday life with other people. Healthy Spirituality: A true understanding of the need for the cross...and understanding that shows me that His grace is for me...and all those around me...and an understanding that shows me that because of my awe and gratitude...drives me towards God on a daily basis. Not even daily. With every breath.

Q. How would you describe unhealthy or destructive spirituality? 
A. Works based. ONe that depends on my actions for merit or to feel good about my status with God. ON the other hand, I think an unhealthy understanding of Grace can lead us away from a healthy fear of God. It can leave us almost...apathetic. Enough that we don't even find space for Him in daily life. That's me. I do understand grace to an extent and it brings me to tears often. I have a past I can only bear to look at through glasses named Grace. But sometimes I do recognize myself as a person who just lets the days go by without ever really acknowledging my Savior or letting Him work in me.

I guess I don't feel like my foundation is so off that I completely need a rebuild. But I do feel like there are some holes, definite holes, that coule be filled in. Gaps and doubts tend to seep into those holes and I can find myself confused, my heart wandering and my mind deceiving me and logically contradicting scripture I've known to be true my whole life. That's when I begin to fear that I'm not tapped in...I'm holding God so much at a distance that He is unable to direct me.

Habakkuk's Prayer

Habakkuk 3: 1-2

A prayer of the prophet Habakkuk, with orchestra: 

God, I've heard what our ancestors say about you, 
and I'm stopped in my tracks, down on my knees.
Do among us what you did among them.
Work among us as you worked among them.
And as you bring judgement, as you surely must, remember mercy.

God, please remember mercy.

Expecting Too Much

I started off a little strong with my expectations on this blog. When my expectations for myself are so high, and I fall off the bandwagon, I have a hard time getting back on because I feel like once I've failed there's no undoing it.

Here's to changing that.

Posts from now on will be more random. More honest. Less lengthy.

Phew.

Freedom.