Can these bones live?

Originally posted on my personal blog on September 20, 2012

"For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

Let me start this off by saying: I have been redeemed. 

There was a period of my life where sin ruled. Where I wasn't being sensitive to the Holy Spirit, which is actually a huge understatement. Not being sensitive = completely and totally ignoring.

God delivered me from my sin. But its effect on me maintained a tight grip.

For years I was so focused on my failures that I began to dry up. In my guilt, I avoided God. The longer I avoided Him, the farther I felt from Him. It was a distance that I was creating because of this feeling that I had that I needed to pay for my sin. It was over the summer of 2011, at a church in Chicago, that a pastor spoke about allowing the message of Grace to truly take hold of our hearts. Do I have a higher standard than God himself? Surely not. Then why in the world do I continue to hold my failures above my head, if God has already forgiven them? Do I not believe that the Jesus' death on the cross was big enough to pay for my sins?

What I have gotten caught up with in the past is the idea that because I chose to rebel, it is my duty to somehow pay for those sins. Because I have no way of doing that, I've often felt like if I show my deepest regret over them, I would somehow be able to come out from under their weight.

My payment was despair.

That summer was foundational for me in my walk with the Lord. It was the day I found freedom. It was a long time coming. Since then, God has slowly, but surely, been drawing me back to himself. And He is faithful to give me reminders that the Cross alone can pay for my sin.

In church this week, Erik (one of our teaching elders) said that whether you are in rebellion or despair, you're actually operating out of two scenarios that stem from the same cause - a focus on self.
(To watch the sermon, go here)

In rebellion, you're doing what self wants to do. It's acting in opposition to what you know God is asking of you or calling you to. It's a denial of the Holy Spirit's tapping, sometimes to the point where the tapping fades and you no longer hear it. "Our rebellion leads us to circumstances in life that break us."

In despair, your focus is on self. Self-pity, self-blame, self-loathing...lots of types of despair. It starts with depravity, "moral corruption or degradation", and as it continues, leads to despair.

At least that's how it was in my case.

To continue to stay focused on my own guilt, my own wrong doings or past sin, is to continue to reject the power of Christ's sacrifice on the Cross. It's to believe the lie that somehow, I have to pay for my own sins. This is an impossibility. It's through the Cross alone that sins can be covered. This is FREEDOM; from sin and from guilt. It's a call to quit with the self-loathing, and live in a new life that has been provided by the free gift of Grace.

I have a new favorite Bible Story.
It's The Valley of Dry Bones. Ezekiel 37: 1-15.

"The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out in the Spirit of the LORD and set me down in the middle of the valley, it was full of bones. And he led me around among them, and behold, there were very many on the surface of the valley, and behold they were very dry. (Emphasis on the impossibility of bringing these dry bones back to life) And he said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" And I answered "O Lord God, you know." Then he said to me, "Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD. Thus says the Lord God to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. And I will lay sinews upon you and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the LORD." So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I prophesied, there was a sound, and behold, a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to its bone. And I looked and behold, there were sinews on them, and flesh had come upon them, and skin had covered them. But there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, "prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, THus says the Lord God: Come form the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live." So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived an stood on their feet, and exceedingly great army. 

I didn't muster up enough breath for myself and cause myself to go from dead to living. And to be honest, I'm still probably at the point where the bones are rattling and still trying to come back together.
But there is new life forming. And I'm excited about it.

Can these bones live? Absolutely. And I give God all the glory.

Turn my eyes to Your face
Let me draw from Your strength
And bathe in Your grace
Let me soar with wings to win this race
Let me have Your peace it's not a hopeless chase
'Cause I lose sight of all You have called me to be
And it takes so much to drop me to my knees

But I can't wait to be free
From this life of mindless sin that compromises me
I know one day I will be
There is a victory that You've won for me
And when You come back again
I'll be free

Soul Repair

Answered some questions from the book "Soul Repair" by VanVonderen, Ryan & Ryan.
Wanted to keep them around so I could reflect on them later.

Q. How would you describe healthy spirituality? 
A. Healthy spirituality...Total dependence on God. Tapping into Him for everything I need. Him reworking my life. Changing my attitudes toward people and situations. Constant communication with Him about my weaknesses. An awareness of where my struggles lie with an even bigger awareness of HIs power to overcome them. Listening to His voice to speak truth into my heart instead of allowing all the voices around me to determine my beliefs. Seeing people for their value instead of for their annoyances and minor "flaws". We are all created in His image. Maybe this is becoming a list of ways I already see how my lack of a Spiritual life is affecting my everyday life with other people. Healthy Spirituality: A true understanding of the need for the cross...and understanding that shows me that His grace is for me...and all those around me...and an understanding that shows me that because of my awe and gratitude...drives me towards God on a daily basis. Not even daily. With every breath.

Q. How would you describe unhealthy or destructive spirituality? 
A. Works based. ONe that depends on my actions for merit or to feel good about my status with God. ON the other hand, I think an unhealthy understanding of Grace can lead us away from a healthy fear of God. It can leave us almost...apathetic. Enough that we don't even find space for Him in daily life. That's me. I do understand grace to an extent and it brings me to tears often. I have a past I can only bear to look at through glasses named Grace. But sometimes I do recognize myself as a person who just lets the days go by without ever really acknowledging my Savior or letting Him work in me.

I guess I don't feel like my foundation is so off that I completely need a rebuild. But I do feel like there are some holes, definite holes, that coule be filled in. Gaps and doubts tend to seep into those holes and I can find myself confused, my heart wandering and my mind deceiving me and logically contradicting scripture I've known to be true my whole life. That's when I begin to fear that I'm not tapped in...I'm holding God so much at a distance that He is unable to direct me.

Habakkuk's Prayer

Habakkuk 3: 1-2

A prayer of the prophet Habakkuk, with orchestra: 

God, I've heard what our ancestors say about you, 
and I'm stopped in my tracks, down on my knees.
Do among us what you did among them.
Work among us as you worked among them.
And as you bring judgement, as you surely must, remember mercy.

God, please remember mercy.

Expecting Too Much

I started off a little strong with my expectations on this blog. When my expectations for myself are so high, and I fall off the bandwagon, I have a hard time getting back on because I feel like once I've failed there's no undoing it.

Here's to changing that.

Posts from now on will be more random. More honest. Less lengthy.

Phew.

Freedom.

January 12th

Genesis 26:17-27:46

Isaac moved back to Gerar. He reopened the wells that had been closed, and gave them the same names his father had. Two wells that Isaac dug the people of the land fought him over, but when he finally dug one they didn’t he said, “‘Now the Lord has given us room and we will flourish in the land.’”

Again, God promises Isaac that he is going to bless the descendants of Abraham. Isaac builds an altar and digs another well. King Abimelech, who had recently made Isaac move, comes to him. Isaac is confused and asks why he has come to him, since he just sent them away. They answered that they saw that the LORD favored Isaac. They wanted a treaty. So Isaac made them a feast and they swore an oath to be in peace.

Esau, Isaac’s firstborn son, marries a girl named Judith at the same time that Isaac marries Rebekah (they were both 40). The Bible says, “They were a source of grief to Isaac and Rebekah.” When Isaac got old, and couldn’t see well, he decided it was time to give his blessing to Esau. He sent him out on a hunt. But Rebekah, hearing this and greatly favoring Jacob, had Jacob go two choice goats so that she could prepare a meal and Jacob could take it to his father so he could get the blessings. Rebekah gives him Esau’s clothing to wear, and covers the smooth parts of his hands and neck with goatskin. Isaac knew something was up, because he was HEARING Jacob, but feeling hair on his hands, like Esau. But Jacob convinced him that he was Esau, and finally got the blessing.

Ah, the smell of my son

Is like the smell of a field

That the LORD has blessed.

May God give you of heaven’s dew

And of earth’s richness-

And abundance of grain and new wine.

May nations serve you

And peoples bow down to you.

Be lord over your brothers,

And may the sons of your mother bow down to you.

May those who curse you be cursed

And those who bless you be blessed.

When Esau returned from hunting, he prepared tasty food and took it to his father. When he said he was Esau, “Isaac trembled violently and said, ‘Who was it, then, that hunted game and brought it to me? I ate it just before you came and I blessed him- and indeed he will be blessed!” Esau cried out and asked for a blessing as well. Jacob had now tricked him twice, once for his birthright and now for his blessing. Isaac had made Jacob lord of Esau and all his relatives and servants. The only blessing Isaac gave him was the following:

Your dwelling will be

Away from the earth’s richness,

Away from the dew of heaven above.

You will live by the sword

And you will serve your brother.

But when you grow restless,

You will throw his yoke from off your neck.”

Esau held a grudge, and vowed to kill Jacob after Isaac passed.

Rebekah warned Jacob. She told him to flee.

Matthew 9:1-17

Jesus heals a paralytic. First he says, “Take heart, son, your sins are forgiven.”

The people of the law that heard this thought Jesus was blaspheming.

Jesus knows what they are thinking, and shows them that not only does he have the authority to forgive sins, but he can also heal the man. He tells him to take up his mat and walk. The man does. The crowd that saw this were amazed, and praised God.

Jesus also sees Matthew, the tax collector, and tells him to follow him. Matthew does.

Jesus eats dinner with Matthew at his house, along with other tax collectors and “sinners” and there were many Pharisees that saw this that say ‘Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?’ On hearing this, Jesus said, ‘It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.’”

Psalms 10:16-18

The LORD is KING for ever and ever;

The nations will perish from his land.

You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted;

You encourage them, and you listen to their cry,

Defending the fatherless and the oppressed,

In order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.

Proverbs 3:9-10

Honor the LORD with your wealth,

with the firstfruits of all your crops;

then your barns will be filled to overflowing,

and your vats will brim over with new wine. 

January 11th

Genesis 24:52-26:16

Abraham’s servant was overjoyed to hear that they were obedient to the LORD. “He brought out gold, and silver jewelry and articles of clothing and gave them to Rebekah; he also gave costly gifts to her brother and to her mother.” They woke the next day and started the journey back. As they were approaching the end, Rebekah saw Isaac in the field and covered herself with her veil. “Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.”

Abraham also took another wife and had more sons. But he left everything he owned to Isaac. Abraham died at 175 years of age. He was buried with his first wife, Sarah.

Ishmael, who was Abraham’s son through Hagar, had 12 sons. He lived 137 years and then died. His descendants settled near the border of Egypt, and they lived in hostility toward all their brothers.

Isaac, Abraham’s son through Sarah, married Rebekah when he was 40. He prayed to the LORD on her behalf because she wasn’t able to have children. The LORD answered his prayer and Rebekah got pregnant. She noticed, however, that the babies seemed to be “jostling each other within her”. She said “ ‘Why is this happening to me?’ So she went to inquire of the LORD. The LORD said to her, ‘Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from wit you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger.’” Rebekah had twin boys, Esau and Jacob. Esau came out first, red and hairy. Jacob came out second, holding onto his brother’s heel. Esau became a hunter, spending most of his time outdoors, and Jacob was quiet, and stayed close to the tents. At one point, Esau came home from a hunt extremely hungry. Jacob was cooking stew and Esau, out of desperation, sold Jacob his birthright for some of the stew.

There was famine in the land, and the LORD told Isaac to keep his family in their land and not go down to Egypt. He reminded him of his promise, to make Abraham’s descendents as numerous as the starts.

Interesting. Like father, like son. Isaac also tells the men of his land that his wife is his sister, for fear that they’ll kill him. It isn’t until the King sees him caressing her that he says, “She really is your wife?? Someone could have taken him for his wife! Why did you do this?” Instead of driving them out, the King decrees that no one touch Isaac or his wife. Isaac plants crops and reaps greatly. His wealth continues to grow. “ He had so many flocks and herds and servants that the Philistines envied him. So all the wells that his father’s servants had dug in the time of his father Abraham, the Philistines stopped up, filing them with earth. Then Abimelech said to Isaac, ‘Move away from us; you have become too powerful for us.’”

So Isaac moves.

Matthew 8:18-34

Crowds continue to follow Jesus. The disciples are learning important lessons about their loyalty. Jesus climbed into a boat and the disciples followed him, and before they knew it, without warning, a really bad storm hit. Waves were covering the boat, and Jesus was sleeping through it all. The disciples were frantic, and woke him, exclaiming that they were going to drown. He said back to them, “ ‘You of little faith, why are you so afraid?’ Then he got up and rebuke the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.” The disciples were amazed. They’d seen Jesus heal people, but to see even nature obey him was astounding. Even the winds and waves obeyed him.

When they got off the boat there were two demon-possessed men. Jesus sent out the demons into a heard of pigs, and the whole herd rushed into a lake and died. Those that were watching the pigs went into town to tell everyone what had happened. The whole town went out to meet Jesus, and begged him to leave their region.

Psalm 10:1-15

LORD, why are you far away.

Why do you hide?

Wicked men are arrogant, hunt down the week, boast of their own desires, bless the greedy, and don’t seek out the LORD. In all of his thoughts there is no room for God.

Out of all the thoughts I have in a day, do I make room for God?  His ways are prosperous, and he says that nothing will shake. He thinks he’ll always be happy and never have any trouble. He curses and threatens often, with trouble and evil on his tongue. He lies in wait like a lion to catch the helpless. He thinks that God has forgotten.

ARISE, LORD.

LIFE UP YOUR HAND, O GOD.

Do not forget the helpless.

Don’t let the wicked go unaccounted for.

You see trouble and grief.

Victims look to You to be the Avenger.

Call the wicked to account!

Proverbs 3:7-8

Don’t consider yourself wise.

Fear the LORD. 

January 10th

Genesis 21:1-24:51

Abraham’s wife, Sarah dies. He buys a field and cave from the Hittites to bury her, even though they insisted on giving it to him. Abraham was also getting along in years, and had his chief servant swear by putting his hand under his thigh that he would get a wife for his son, Isaac, from Abraham’s country among his own relatives, instead of from the Canannite people. He didn’t want Isaac to go back to that country, but wanted the girl to come to Isaac. God had given his family that land. Abraham saw the importance of his family staying in the land that God had promised them. If the woman didn’t want to come back with the servant, Abraham said he would be released from the oath, but just couldn’t take Isaac back there.

The servant asked God to help him find this girl, and said that whichever girl he asked for water also offered to water the camels, that would be the girl that God wanted for Isaac. Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out. She did what the servant as looking for, by giving him and his camels water. When he asked her what family she was from, she said Nahor, descendents of Abraham. He gave her bracelets and a nose ring, I’m assuming to signify that he wanted her to marry Isaac. She ran back and told her family, and they invited him to their house to eat and stay. He wouldn’t eat till he gave them his message and at this time he told them about his mission to find Isaac a wife. He asked her parents, “’Now if you will show kindness and faithfulness to my master, tell me; and if not, tell me, so I may know which way to turn.’ Laban and Bethuel answered, ‘This is from the LORD; we can say nothing to you one way or the other. Here is Rebekah; taker her and go, and let her become the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has directed.’”

Matthew 8:1-17

Large crowds are following Jesus and a man with leprosy approaches. With great faith he says, “’Lord if you are willing, you can make me clean.’” Jesus touched him, and immediately he was clean.

A centurion approaches Jesus and mentions his servant at home who is paralyzed and suffering. Jesus says he’ll go to the centurion’s house, but the centurion doesn’t feel he deserves for Jesus to come under his roof. He says that if Jesus will say the word, he believes his servant will be healed, without Jesus even being there. Jesus says, “ ‘I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith.’ “ He tells the centurion to go and it will be done.

Jesus then healed Peter’s mother-in-law of fever. Evening brought more healing, with some who were demon-possessed being brought to him.

All of this was to, “fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah:

He took up our infirmities

And carried our diseases. (Isaiah 53:4)

Psalm 9:13-20

O LORD, see how my enemies persecute me! (who are his enemies in this?)

Have mercy.

Lift me from the gates of death.

Lift me so that I can DECLARE your praises.

“The nations have fallen into the pit they have dug;

Their feet are caught in the net they have hidden.

The LORD is known by his justice; the wicked are ensnared by the work of their hands.”

Man can’t triumph.

Don’t let them us, LORD.

Let them be judged by you, in your presnese.

Arise!

Let them know that they are only men.

YOU are God.

You are LORD.

Proverbs 3:1-6

Don’t forget my teachings.

Keep my commands in your heart.

Don’t ever leave behind love and faithfulness.

Keep them with you at all times.

Around your neck, even, like a necklace.

Close and always with you.

Write them on your heart.

They can’t be taken from you if they’re on your heart.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”